Date Tip: Vulnerability

Let’s talk about vulnerability in dating.

In my many years as a matchmaker and relationship coach, I have found that the thought of vulnerability alone scares a lot of people, but being vulnerable is the prerequisite to making an authentic connection with another person. So instead of being afraid of it, let’s explore it!

Let me start by saying many people come into the dating process with their guard up. They feel that it is necessary to protect their heart from being broken while blocking the possibility of rejection, and humiliation. Perhaps they’ve been hurt in the past, and instead of being fully present, the concern becomes making sure that past pain doesn’t happen again.

While the need to protect yourself from emotional pain is understandable, unfortunately, having the “shield” up also blocks the connection, meaningful communication, trust, and honesty with the other person. The shield will make it difficult to connect with your date, which, in turn, blocks potential love down the road.

Here are a few things to keep in mind throughout your dating journey that are guaranteed to assist on the incredible journey to love:

•   While you’re dating, you’re getting to know someone, and they’re getting to know you. Be authentic and present in the moment. This creates vulnerability, and if there’s a natural connection, the other person will want to lean in closer to you.

•   Be willing to communicate honestly with your date (“I’m so excited to meet you...but also a little nervous!”) When you do this, you are expressing exactly how you’re feeling, and what you’re perceiving—to see if there’s a real connection.

• Your body language should always be physically open. Stay away from crossing your arms, glancing at your phone, and looking around the room. Eye contact is key!

• Ask open-ended questions and be mindful not to shift into “interview” mode. By simply asking open-ended questions, the conversation will continue to flow, and it will require both of you to open up!

When you think about the end goal, vulnerability is worth it!